Fresher Meat
by MakoHeart
Summary: A boy's account of going to uni but that university is in the Pokemon world. Something here for anyone that's been to uni, inspired by some of my own personal experiences crossed with some delving into the science/history/background of the Pokemon world itself. OCs mostly with the occasional guest lecturer. Rated T-M


**Fresher Meat**

**Chapter 1 – Is it wrong to be attracted to a Machoke?**

"Seriously, let your hair down, man." Martin began as he handed me a drink. "This is _our_ year, we need to make the most of it." He said, placing a firm hand on my shoulder in a weird kind of big-bro-known-you-for-5-days kind of way.

This was all pretty surreal: I'd gotten into uni through clearing only 2 weeks ago and now I was at a freshers party in a completely different region dressed head to toe in green bodypaint with a curl in my hair, attempting to vaguely resemble a Politoed.

"YES BOYS!" Cecelia wooped from behind us, strutting in past the bouncers brandishing her bright blue _CUL8-R_ stamp on her hand with pride. Not that you'd notice tremendously as your attention was immediately drawn to the sheer amount of glitter she was adorned with. Her idea of _"pokemon fancy dress"_ seemed to just be blue and purple glitter and a pair of Glaceon ears clipped into her hair. Not that anyone was complaining.

"Where've your housemates gone?" I asked, knowing full-well that the all-girl flat of 14D wouldn't be far behind. And before I'd even finished, CC gestured to the entrance as the girls all strode in one after another, each vaguely resembling a different eeveeloution.

"Speaking of making the most of it," Martin inhaled, handing me his drink, "I'm off to catch me an Espeon!" He winked as he walked away and I couldn't help but laugh; give that boy a drop of alcohol and he becomes fearless.

"So, help me out." CC began, taking Martin's drink out of my hand and helping herself to it. "…What is he supposed to be again?"

I pointed over to the toolbelt he'd found in the charity shop and latched some fake pokeballs onto. "He's come a trainer, _obviously."_ I laughed sarcastically.

"Well obviously." CC agreed in jest, taking another sip.

"He said – and I quote – it's because he's going to _'capture all the ladies'_".

Cecelia snorted and choked on her drink a little. "Oh WOW." She coughed. "That's too much, I just can't." She laughed, waving her hand in the air as if she could push the coughing away.

Looking around, people had clearly put in different levels of effort for their costumes. There were some who must have dipped into their student loans early and looked flawless, but then there were others like this one boy who had come as a Ditto and literally on had a pink t-shirt that he'd drawn a smiley face onto. I couldn't decide if it was laziness or brilliance.

Suddenly, before I'd even realised, I was being dragged through to the actual dance floor.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!" I protested to CC, downing the contents of my cup. "I need another drink – do you want one?"

"Oh come on, Noah! You literally just got one." She protested in her janky Rustboro accent.

"Just one more. You know I don't get my groove on until the end of the night anyway – gotta save the best 'til last!" I lied, jokingly.

The actual middle part of going out-out was the bit I least liked. Phase One – predrinks – was definitely my time to shine: our choice of music, I'd be in charge of drinking games like Ring of Pyroar and Never Have I Ever and we'd have a load of laughs. The middle part – Phase Two - was where you have to trek to the club (which granted was only a 5 minute walk across campus to the SU bar), queue up in the cold and then get inside, spend money on more drink and sway awkwardly to some crummy chart music until the booze kicks in. Then you'd have the best part of the night, Phase Three: the part where you dance like crazy to cheesy pop, make-out with a random, go back to halls and eat some carb concoction in your corridor. Compared to the rest of the night, the middle part was just a drag.

"Fine. ONE drink." CC insisted, holding up her finger for effect.

We made our way to the swarm that surrounded the bar and tactically edged our way in, looking for an opportunity to place a hand on the bar counter which, as I had learned, was a sure sign that you'd claimed that space for your own and no one could argue. CC squeezed her way past a cluster of people and a not unattractive Roggenrola-boy to claim a space next to me.

"Excuuuuse me!" Came a shriek from behind us.

We turned around to see a mountain of a woman, who was a least a whole head taller than me (and I'm not exactly short) wearing a green outfit covered in large, green fan leaves. HOW we had not seen her on our way to the bar I do not know.

"I'm pretty sure I was next darlings." The mountain-girl said casually with a very well-to-do tone.

"You snooze, you lose baby!" CC cried, attempting to turn back around and ignore her.

"Compromise!" She said, catching my gaze as I was still mid-stare in awe of her stature. "I'll get use a round of shots."

"Done!" I exclaimed. "CC, you heard the girl – out of the way."

CC shot me a death-glare as the mountain girl shuffled to the bar, debit card in hand. "You know, it's a lot quicker if you show just a liiiiiittle bit of flesh." She said, rearranging her leaves slightly.

"Good job you swapped with CC then." I said, barely able to make it to the end of my sentence without bursting out laughing. CC retaliated with a swift punch on the arm which, even though it hurt, didn't stop me laughing.

"She let you get away with that? Blimey, you two got close in five days."

"What can I say?" CC replied through gritted teeth, deadpan. "He's just SO charming."

"I'm Pru by the way. Prudence Oligarch. Pleasure." She said, tipping an imaginary hat as she curtsied.

We both introduced ourselves in turn and in that short time, Prudence's tactics had paid off and we each were served a shot of some unnaturally-coloured liquid with which we then toasted to the next year of our lives.

"To Castelia Uni – may it hold the key to our future!" Prudence exclaimed, holding up her glass quite profoundly.

"To new friends!" I added.

"-And to getting back on the dancefloor!" CC cut in, undercutting the tone a bit, to which we both looked at her with disdain but downed our shots anyway. We slammed the shot glasses back onto the bar and I gestured my arm towards the middle of the room. CC brushed herself off, ready to re-join the madness but just stopped in her tracks just a step away from the bar.

"Oh my god." She said, just barely audibly and turned back towards us, her face as red as a Charizard.

"What's wrong darling?" Prudence asked with genuine concern.

"Look." CC pointed to the crowd. It took me a while to see it but Justine – one of the 14D girls who was dressed as Flareon - was making out with Niamph, the Leafeon!

"It's super effective!" I declared, laughing at my own joke.

"Okay, change of plan. No way am I getting anywhere near that in-flat drama tonight." CC announced, taking her place back at the bar. "Right, Pru – pull back those leaves again, we need more shots!"

"On it!"

I looked up at Prudence, the giant girl covered in leaves wearing banana earrings who was rearranging her outfit, and couldn't for the life of me recognise what she was dressed up as. Not wanting to seem like the dopey new freshers-friend, I gave it a bit more thought. For a moment I thought she might be a Shiftry but for that to work her hair would have to have been white. So I caved in and asked the question.

As I thought, CC looked at me with more judgemental eyes and Pru just appeared confused. Whether it was out of habit or fear of rejection, my defences immediately went up.

"Hey, don't look at me like that." I said. "Sorry if I'm not from these weird regions that have deserts and jungles. Some of us actually live in normal places y'know."

"Normal places? I'm not from the moon, Noah! Don't you know an Alolan when you see one?" Pru rebutted, gesturing proudly to herself and her natural tan.

"Ignore him. He clearly has never seen a Tropius because he's from out in the sticks of Kanto – the uncultured swine." CC added, swiping her card on the machine for another round of shots.

"Make it four!" Came a voice from amongst the crowd. Seconds later, a mop of curly ginger hair manifested in the form of Martin, a new drink in hand having struck-out with the Glaceon. "Now before you say anything, let's just agree that we're all foreigners here –"

"-You're _NOT _a foreigner." I cut in, rolling my eyes, fully aware that he lives in Unova.

"I'm hurt!" Martin feigned dramatically. "Well, I was_ born_ in Johto, Mr Knowitall."

"And you lived there for how many weeks before you moved?" I continued.

"...Not important." He said, shutting up to take the first shot that appeared in front of him.

"Wowzers. I am seriously not on my A-game with making friends like you people are. I'm not really sure I can keep up." Said Prudence.

CC went on to explain that Martin and I lived in the same flat and CC, Justine, Niamph and the other Eevee girls lived in the flat below us. We'd only met because Martin organised a mini block party on the first night and since then we'd just clicked.

Realising that the bar was not the best place to have a conversation, Prudence invited us out to the smoking area. To be honest, the outside air, if overly-polluted, was a welcome change from the second phase of the night. The area wasn't anything fancy, just an outdoor space right by the entrance that was fenced off by some moveable metal barriers. There was definitely more room but people still clumped together in circles. Hovering around the barriers were two Koffing who, as far as I could tell, were actually breathing in all of the 2nd hand smoke to make the air a bit fresher.

"So where's the rest of your flat, Prupru?" Martin asked, trying out a new nickname.

Prudence sighed. "They're ever so boring – they didn't want to come out. I think we are just on different wavelengths… Although I'm pretty sure I spotted two of them on the dancefloor."

"They're ghosting you already?! Man, what did you do?" Martin cried, bumming a cigarette off of a random.

"Haven't a clue! I'm perfectly delightful." Pru replied, flicking her hair.

Martin sniggered, getting a sense of the reasons why already.

"Which halls are you staying in?" I asked, a bit slower than Martin at picking up on these things. "We're in Unity."

"Well I'm currently in Liberty…"

This was met with uproar from the other two. As I came in through clearing, I was just given one of the last spaces available in halls and didn't get a choice. Everyone else seemed to have gone through a selection process and different halls – as I'd begun to learn – had VERY different reputations attached to them.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa – YOU are slumming it in Liberty? Haha – banter!" Martin cried in amusement.

Looking slightly awkward and twisting her hair, Prudence stated, "Mummy wanted me to get the '_authentic university experience'_ so the deal was that I stayed in Liberty for a while until there are other rooms available."

CC snorted. "Mate, you're not getting out of there this year. It's not a hotel."

Looking slightly disheartened, Prudence sighed again, blowing Martin's cigarette smoke in CC's direction. Appalled, she made a point of coughing and fanning it away, only stopping to nudge him in the ribs with her elbow. "Some of us don't like that you know." She said sharply.

Martin shot her a sarcastic pout, "Well some of us are in the _smoking area_." He said, as one of the Koffing drifted by, attracted to the fumes.

He had a point.

"Well regardless, you know if you keep that habit up you'll end up looking like that thing." CC barked back, her textbook charm rearing its head once more.

Martin bravely – or stupidly – leaned on the Koffing and stroked its head. "Dunno what you're on about, I think he's cute." He said, the Koffing tamed by the closeness of Martin's cigarette.

"I do wish we were allowed to bring our own pokemon on campus." Prudence mused, probably missing her servant monsters.

"Tell that to the bouncer and his Machoke." I said, staring over at the entrance.

I'm pretty sure the pokemon was only there to look intimidating on the outside, as if a giant bald dude wasn't enough, but I suppose it kept staffing costs down. Before I knew it, I'd completely zoned out of the conversation and couldn't stop staring at the Machoke. Some pokemon looked remarkably human – that definitely couldn't have been a coincidence. Aside from its head, it looked like a gym-bro: two pairs of muscular arms and legs, some chiselled pecs, and heck – it even had a good butt on it (better than mine anyway).

What I didn't realise is that the others were calling out to me for a fair few moments until CC nudged me and snapped me out of it. "You alright there, mate?"

"Yeah…" I replied, still half in a daze. And then without thinking I just carried on speaking. "Do you guys think it's wrong that I'm kind of getting turned on by that Machoke?"

There was a very brief pause where the others looked at each other before a resounding "YES" from all parties present. They all burst out laughing as I returned to the real world.

"Dude, that's called bestiality." CC said, taking a sip of a drink she'd managed to minesweep at the bar, trying not to let on how much she was amused.

"Oh mate…" Martin said laughing with a slight sense of pity, putting his arm around me. "Has it been _that_ long?"

"No, no – it's a legitimate question!" I said, shrugging off Martin's arm. "Well, not what I asked but my train of thought – why do some pokemon look like humans?"

"Sexy humans?" Prudence snorted, winking.

"Good one." CC added, high-fiving her.

"I'm serious!" I cried, if only half to distract them from what I just said. Maybe the booze had gotten to me more than I thought.

"Here we go: _again_ with the philosophy!" Martin groaned dramatically.

"It's not philosophy, it's anthropology! Some of us are actually excited to start studying you know." I said, going on the defence once more.

"Say what you want, I got in on a full scholarship, mate." Martin said, raising his drink in the air smugly.

Irritated and wanting to call him out in front of the others, I let slip a little truth bomb he'd told me on the first night. "Don't act like you earned it – you won a competition!"

CC almost choked on her drink, I could tell that this was going to be prime fodder for her. She had a sense of humour that mainly involved insulting us that we surprisingly reacted well to. Martin was definitely not happy about me releasing that little nugget of information as he shot me a wide-eyed glare.

"…Sorry, what?" CC blinked, her pale face hungry for more information.

"How…?" Prudence added.

"Look, there was a competition. I entered-"

"-_Your_ _mum_ entered." I corrected him.

Martin growled and sighed through his teeth. "Fine. It was one of those daytime TV competition things but this one was for 10,000 pokedollars and tuition paid for a full course at uni. Mum rang up and entered and we won – happy now?"

CC grinned from ear to ear. "Oh, I. Am. Ecstatic."

"How about you CC?" Prudence asked.

"Sports and Pokemon Welfare."

"Meathead." I joked.

"Nerd." CC replied, ready as always.

"What about you, Prupru?" Martin asked, gesturing with his cup-holding hand.

Pru plumped her hair up once more and said rather airily, "Well, mummy said I needed a degree so I picked something fun - Health and Joy Studies. Which now I have arrived, does not seem to be quite what I thought it was…"

"Wow." I said, trying to suppress a laugh and not be a douche to our new freshers-friend.

Martin looked around him, stunned, and then to CC, waiting for her response. But instead she just finished her drink and casually placed the plastic cup down on the floor with some other empties.

"Really? You have nothing to say to that?!" Martin exclaimed, throwing his arms into the air. "Well I feel victimised."

As we traded insults, the bass inside L8-R suddenly kicked into high gear. I recognised the song as something sufficiently cheesy.

"Sounds like they've brought out the Loudreds!" I said as I started to wave my hands in the air like an idiot.

"YESSS, let's go dance!" CC cried, joining in.

"I thought you wanted to avoid the flat drama?" Asked Pru.

"I'm over it." She shrugged, grabbing my hand. "Let's go dance!"

"Phase Three, baby!" I cheered, now pretty drunk but making sure Prudence and Martin were following. "Time to get cheesy and make out with a stranger!"

"You mean a pokemon, right?" Martin said, extinguishing his cigarette on the way inside.

"Ooo, Machoke me, daddy!" CC swooned, laughing as she opened the door.

"Oh shut it!" I said, feeling like I'd found my group of wierdos.


End file.
